Christmas countdown calendar

I've always really love Christmas (I mean, who doesn't?) but now that Maverick is here- I'm really looking forward to it so much more!

I was on Pintrest and saw some advent calendars that had spots for a daily activity, but I wanted to be able to take down the number after we were done, so you can glance and see how many days are left until Christmas.

I have a problem with buying things because they are cute, but not having a specific project in mind, so I wanted to use up some of that stuff. I added scrapbook paper that came in the package with the paper I used for Maverick's first bday party and some cheap white envelopes.

The best part? The paper was already the same width as the envelope. I mean, like exactly the same size! I was super excited. I only had to trim about an inch off the bottom, which I then used those scraps to make several of the envelopes.

I hung it up on my cabinets, where Maverick can't reach them. For the next few years I will be in charge of taking the activity out of the envelope, but when he gets older I will put them down so he can reach them.

(for some reason this one won't upload correctly) 

The activities inside will change as he gets older too, but for now they are: 

Make an ornament

Write a letter to Santa

Make reindeer food

Donate a toy to charity

Watch a holiday movie

Eat dessert first

Decorate Christmas cookies

Make a gingerbread house

Drive around and look at Christmas lights

Make hot chocolate

Have an indoor picnic

Decorate tree

Go to Santa Land

Make Christmas cards

Visit Santa

Take Christmas pictures

Color a Christmas picture

Make a treat and take it to a friend

Do something nice for someone

Make a Christmas Placemat

Open a present

Make a paper chain

Go on a sleigh ride

 I can't wait to get started doing all the fun Christmas stuff! 

Maverick's Birthday Party

Today was Maverick's birthday party. From the beginning I was determined to make everything myself. I would have loved a cute theme, but Maverick LOVES Barney, so the theme was decided for me.

It started with the invitations. I wanted people to get a fun, colorful surprise in the mailbox. Did you know that you can mail virtually anything that is less that 13 ounces? Even an empty Gatorade bottle that you have filled with colorful paper :-)

I'm sure not one noticed, but I was sticking with the colors in the Barney color scheme- purple, green, yellow and orange. Even the food was all that color

I made a banner of how he changed over the year and hung it above the food- where I knew everyone would see it! 

I also made a banner for the fireplace. I was a little disappointed that the people at the party didn't oohh and ahh over it, but I liked it. 

I also made the cupcakes, the cupcake stand, and the smash cake:

I wasn't happy with my lack of cake board, or the way the icing turned out. It was SOOO humid this morning, none of the icing acted like it normally does, and I couldn't get it smooth enough. But it was homemade, and I would rather have a lumpy homemade cake made with love than a perfect store bought cake.

He needed a cute shirt, and of course I made that too...

The favors are a lucky find from the 99 cent store. Its so hard to find Barney products in the store. All the packages had broken pieces, so I repacked them in just a ziplock bag with leftover paper from all the other projects. 

Maverick is so lucky to have so many people come to celebrate his first year. His aunts and cousins drove in from Austin and West Texas to celebrate with us, and there were a total of 22 people there. Not a bad turnout. 

I didn't get enough pictures of M with different people, but luckily Bridget made sure we got one of the 3 of us: 

Obviously, Maverick couldn't be disturbed from eating his cake to take a picture :-) 

But I am exhausted from getting everything ready. M is too- this is him, about an hour and a half into the party :-) 

1 year check up

M had his one year check up today.

He weighs 28 pounds- >98th percentile
He is 80cm long-92 percentile

The doctor wants to measure his head again in a month because it is way off the charts, but she wasn't too concerned because he is a pretty big kid all over.

This appointment was pretty uneventful, I didn't even have a thousand questions. :-)

I really like it that his pediatrician opened an office in Wylie recently. Its hard enough to find one that doesn't hassle about vaccinations- but now she is only 5 minutes away.

He is saying a few words:
Mama (rarely)
Dada (often- not fair but oh well)
Bottle
Car (we sit on our porch and watch the cars drive by)
Dog
Bye-bye
And more that we don't quite understand yet

He started walking about 3 weeks ago, and is getting better and better each day. Now he is walking more than crawling and is able to start and stop without toppling over.

He loves to roll a ball, "read" books, take things out of a box and sometimes put them back

He hates to have his diaper changed, clothes put on or face washed because he has things to do and doesn't like to be slowed down.

Maverick's first birthday

Today is Maverick's first birthday.

At this time a year ago, they were just deciding I needed a c-section and calling the doctor in.

I thought I would be emotional today, but it doesn't seem real. He is a pretty spoiled kid so when he's getting all the attention and people are bringing him gifts its just another day to him. I think I will be emotional on the day of his party.

We ran some errand this morning, then C came home for lunch. We wanted to do a picnic, but it was very humid and yucky outside. But after lunch M slept for 2.5 hours- that NEVER happens. On a good day he sleeps 45 minutes.

Nana came over and gave him some presents, and his aunt sent some stuff for him to open today.

It cracks me up that Nana put it in a Christmas bag- that I gave her a Christmas present in last year. :-)

Then, we went to the park. It was still pretty yucky outside, but we wanted to do something outside because he loves to be outside.

I really wanted to get his picture with the letters O N E so I could make a collage, but he wasn't really all that interested in it.

All the letters ended up on the ground before I could get a picture. But we will try again tomorrow.

All in all, it was an ok first birthday. I cannot believe he is a year old. He is growing too fast :(

What a beautiful mess I'm in

When I was driving home the other day, I heard this song and it made me think of my current situation. I love this song. It used to make me think of Christopher, but now it makes me think of a new boy- Maverick :-) The second verse (in bold) is my favorite. 

Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio 

Going out of my mind these days, 

like I'm walkin 'round in a haze, 

I can't think straight, I can't concentrate, 

and I need to shave. 

I go to work and I look tired, 

The boss man said son you gonna get fired, 

this ain't your style, and behind my coffee cup, 

I just smile. 

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in spending all my time with you 

There's nothing else I'd rather do. 

What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in, cause I can't get enough 

Can't stop the hunger for your love. 

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in. 

This morning put salt in my coffee 

I put my shoes on the wrong feet 

I'm loosen my mind I swear, it might be the death of me, but I don't care. 

Is it your eyes, 

is it your smile. 

All I know is that 

you're driving me wild. 

I love my baby boy! Only 35 school days until I get to spend all my time with him <3 

Teething

Teething is not fun for anyone involved.

Maverick has been fussy, whiny, and clingy. Three things he has never been before. He has also had a low appetite (that certainly never happens...lol) and has been running a low fever for a few days.

We are hoping that the tooth will go ahead and break through any time... but we have been hoping that for a few days now.

I hate that he is in pain. We have tried all kinds of remedies. I even ordered him an amber necklace that is said to help. I'm irritated that it isn't in yet, he will have a mouth full of teeth by the time it finally gets here. :(

running late

Every morning, I leave my house by 6:45, but this morning I was running late. I was almost out the door, and at the last minute, I stopped to quickly put some beans in the crock pot. But I didn't end up leaving my house until after 7 am.

I was driving the same route that I always drive, going 52 mph in a 40. You may be asking, how does she know exactly how fast she was going- do you see where this is going? I got pulled over. I knew as soon as I saw him that he was going to pull me over. But I was not nervous or scared. Usually when I get pulled over, I feel shaky- just because its kinda scary. Anyway, he came up to my window, asked for license and registration and said I was going 52 in a 40 and to slow down and have a nice day. He never even went back to his car to run my drivers license. I thought it was odd, but I was relieved because we are saving every extra penny for what I stay home next year.

So I go on about my way and I come upon a wreck. When I got there, they police and ambulance was just pulling up. Do you see where I am going now-

I think God sent that police officer to pull me over so I wasn't in that accident.

Hmm, it is something to think about...

JBF

If you do not know about Just Between Friends sale go check out www.jbfsale.com

It is a consignment sale where you can buy and sell your kids used clothes, shoes, toys, furniture, strollers, carseats... pretty much any baby or child related thing.

This past Wednesday, I went to my first sale. I didn't really know what to expect. I went to the teacher presale. It started at 7, so I got there at 6:30- and there was already a line. By 7 when they let us in, there was a LONG line. But it was in a huge arena, so it wasn't crowded inside.

I got:
7 complete outfits,
8 shirts/ onsies
2 pair of shorts
2 swim trunks
8 soft cloth books
2 puppets

all for 86 dollars!

I'm gonna go back on Sunday when everything is half price and check it out.

I think I'm hooked. Its recycling in its best form, and you cannot tell that any of the clothes are used.

Oh, and I wanted to include pictures, but blogspot will not let me :( boo

I love my husband

I'm so not a person to ever say that to other people. He knows I love him, and I'm sure that you all know this too. (based on the fact that we are indeed married and made the choice to have a baby)

But I don't mean I love him a little bit. I mean, I LOVE this man.

I don't even know where to start. I can't imagine my life without him, he makes me happy. We laugh constantly. That's a huge deal because life is way too short to be unhappy.
One of my favorite sayings is "A day without laughter is a day wasted." So true. We laugh even when things are bad. And then it makes things not so bad.

In the past he has worked 2 or even 3 jobs to help me through school.  I think he's a workaholic, but that's for another post. To make sure that I am able to be a stay at home mom, he will work many days from sunup to sundown, sometimes 7 days a week. He owns his own landscaping business, so this is physically demanding. He comes home exhausted, but proud of himself for a hard days work. I love it that he wants to provide for his family. I love it that no matter what happens, he WILL provide for us. I don't know how he does it, but he ALWAYS figures it out. Its like a gift that he has.

He loves our son- and that alone is reason to make me know I have a great husband. Not just a great husband, the best. He's such a good dad, and I have no idea where this came from, because he certainly didn't have a father that was any kind of role model. He's just a natural. He has never complained about getting up in the middle of the night, changing a dirty diaper (he gags and carries on, but no complaining). He is the primary caregiver for our son right now. Him and my grandma take turns watching him while I'm at work. And when Nana has Maverick, Christopher rushes right home to be with him.  I love it that he wants to spend time with our son.

I'm a very lucky lady to have him- and he will probably never even see this, so I'm not just saying that :-)

This has been my favorite Spring Break ever!

And I've had some good ones. :-)

On the first Saturday, I got my hair cut and a pedicure. Christopher and I went out on a date night to eat and to see Hall Pass. It was so nice to get to spend some time with him. Then Nana spent the night so we both got a full night's uninterupted rest! Even when Maverick sleeps all night, I don't because I'm checking on him so often. I still maintain that co-sleeping is the way to go because at least I don't have to get up to obsessively check him.

On Tuesday we went to the Dallas Arboretum. When we were waiting in line to get in, the lady in front of us asked us if we were interested in a bogo coupon- umm, yes! So it was half the price of what we were expecting. I'm so glad that we started with the Arboretum for Maverick's first big outing. We have this ficus tree in our living room that he has stared at from the very first day we brought him home. I've never understood why he was so interested in a plastic tree that doesn't do anything, but hey. He was a little overhwhelmed by all the people, colors and activity there. I tried to get his picture, but he would not smile. 

On Wednesday, we went and got his Easter pictures done and I LOVE THEM! Here are a few of my favorites:

   

Thursday was St Patricks Day...



We had such a great time playing and learning. Did I mention that I cannot wait to be a stay at home mom?!

I will not spend the whole weekend dreading going back to work...

Somehow it crept into my mind that Spring Break is almost over, and I can't seem to shake it. I never thought in a million years that I would be filled with such a sense of dread about going to my school.

I am a kindergarten teacher at a Title 1 school, meaning the majority of my students receive free or reduced lunch. I have always felt a tremendous sense of personal fulfillment by working with these particular kids. I felt like they needed me much more than kids that come into kindergarten already reading and writing. Many of my kids have no clue what a letter is and have never held a pencil and *I* am the one that in one short year gets them READING and WRITING! It is such a wonderful feeling when they start to get it.

To get these kids caught up takes a MASSIVE amount of work. At other schools they get to do more "fun" things. We get no art, music, puppets or even centers or work stations in the traditional way they are usually done. My principal would have a heart attack right in my classroom if she came in and found us coloring.

I spend A LOT of time going to extra trainings, reading online, collaborating with other teachers from other schools, planning and worrying about these kids- all on my own time. I've stayed many, many days well after my contract hours end to tutor my own kids, other people's kids- anyone that needs it.

God only knows how much money I have spent on shoes, clothes, breakfasts, lunches, field trips and things to make the classroom seem safe and homey. Oh dear, and probably thousands on school supplies. All in addition to the things I need for my daily teaching.



I'm wasting your time telling you all of this because about a month ago, the assistant principal called me into her office and told me (among other things) that I "blame the parents because I don't want to take the time to get to know my kids", that I'm not positive, that my parents don't like me, that I don't put in enough effort- this all went WAY past constructive criticism. It went on for 30 minutes and only stopped because I was crying hysterically and asked to be excused. And then she called me back the very next day to do it all over again. I must have told her 3 dozen times I didn't know what she wanted me to say and it just went ON and ON.
So now when I think about going to school, I feel like none of it is worth it. I bust my ass every day, only to be belittled, degraded, and quite frankly- verbally abused. When someone is hysterically crying and you keep ON and ON telling them what a terrible teacher they are- its harmful to a person.

And there are many other things that I feel are meant to further the harm. For example- for yearly evaluations- other teachers were allowed to put down their preferred day and time and she told them when she was coming so they could put on a dog and pony show and get "exceeds expectations" on their evaluations. I put down my 3 times (just like everyone else) and she just popped in at another day and time. I feel as if this was to "catch" me doing something wrong.

I have alluded to this a few times in other blogs, but finally decided that she would never see it. She denied my frien request on facebook, so somehow I doubt she would take the time to read my blog. Even as I type this, I feel better. Blogging is much cheaper than therapy :-). Thanks for listening!


I have had a WONDERFUL time at home with my sweet Maverick. NO ONE could EVER accuse me of not putting effort in with him. Only 55 school days until I'm a stay at home mom!!!

Oh, and I did this blog from my phone, so it hasn't been proof-read. Sorry :-)

4 month check up

Today Maverick had his 4 month well baby check up.

He weighs: 18 pounds 7 ounces- 97th percentile
Length- 27 inches- 97th percentile
head- 17.5 inches- 95th percentile

I was pretty sure he was 20 pounds, but I'm relieved that he is 18 because that puts him further into the "normal" category for a baby his age.

* He wears 6-9 month clothes. I have no idea what size shoes he wears, because he doesn't wear shoes. He doesn't walk, so I really don't see the point in shoes.
* He can roll over from his back to his tummy
* He loves his hands and feet. He puts both in his mouth and is entertained by them for short periods of time.
* Nana introduced him to Barney. He loves it. At night, he refuses to go to sleep, so he is usually fussy... until he hears Barney. He will sit and watch it for the full 30 minutes. He doesn't really care for any other shows. I don't really like for him to watch tv (he is only 4 months old after all) but he is talked to and read to and sand to more than most kids, so I think its going to be ok.
* He is eating rice cereal, bananas and pears. I was going to make all of his baby food, but I did give him Earth's Best Organic pears. I will introduce new foods to him a little at a time. Next will be apples because he has already had apple juice, so I know he isn't allergic.
* He's really interested in us when we eat. He will follow the fork from your plate to your mouth. Then he opens his mouth and is irritated when no one feeds him.
* He doesn't really like having his picture taken. He will be smiling and laughing and I will try to get it and he will stop. I think he's on to me.
* the doctor said two different times he was ahead. (because he rolls from back to front rather than the other way, and because he puts his feet in his mouth)
* He LOVES bath time. He will splash and splash. Here is a picture of him in the bath tub. (picture blurred in case he ever wants to be president)

We will soon be finding a new pediatrician. The current one really made me mad today. We have made the choice not to vaccinate Maverick, which she knows about, and she ROLLED HER EYES AT ME. Umm, if you don't agree with my decision, that's fine. But just because you are a "doctor" doesn't give you the right to talk down to me. She was really condescending and I did not appreciate it. She tried to make me feel foolish for our decision and wouldn't accept the standard "we just don't feel it is for us". She wanted me to defend my position, but she knew from the start that she was going to "win" the argument. None of this happened last time, with this same doctor. 

As a general rule, I like to do things as naturally as possible. We don't really eat healthy, but we do eat mostly organic, and I try to buy only natural meats for Christopher. (I'm a vegetarian) Maverick isn't circumcised, because God gave him that foreskin for a reason, and I didn't think it was my place to cut a piece of him off. So I'm really not comfortable having foreign substances injected into my child's bloodstream. And the vaccinations may or may not cause Autism, auto-immune disorders, etc... and once its done, it cannot be undone. So I don't regret our decision not to vaccinate at all. But now I'm irritated because I have to find a new pediatrician. 

Blogging

I started this blog to record my pregnancy, and now Maverick's life. I've never been much of a diary or journal person, because what is the point of writing for just myself to see? I write to entertain, which I hope I have done in my latest, post-Paxil posts. (Say that 3 times fast)

I frequently think about blogging. Sometimes something will happen and I will think "I should blog about this." I'm not really sure why, as I only have 6 followers, but that's not really the point. I do this for me. Like, the other day when we left Maverick with my cousin Kendale- it was the first time he's been with anyone besides me, Christopher or Nana- that would have been a good blog, to record my anxiety about that. (I couldn't even EAT- that never happens!) Or Maverick's new Barney fascination. (He's not quite 4 months old, not sure why he even knows about Barney, but when you put it on, he stops and he will stare at it for like the whole 30 minutes. I'm still not sure why Nana put TV on for him when I SPECIFICALLY told her not to, but I guess that's better than a lot of things she could be doing. I know he is loved by her, so I can overlook this) See, wouldn't this have made a great blog post?

Anyway, I want to blog, but then I get home and see my sweet Maverick and I completely forget about everything. I know I should be doing lesson plans, or making dinner or laundry or any number of things that are falling behind. I don't want to do any of them. We can have cereal for dinner again. I want to play with Maverick. All day when I am at work, I'm wondering what he is doing.

I also occasionally want to blog to relieve stress. Like when I had a bad day at work. But, I am a teacher and they frown on publicly bashing colleagues or parents. I just read a news story about a lady that vented on her blog. I don't want to be a news story, so I will keep my thoughts to myself. 
But I think it would be helpful to write about them sometimes. Being a teacher is great. I love teaching Kindergarten, the students make my day. It is the adults that cause problems. I look forward to my new job, where I am valued, respected, and irreplaceable.

T minus 56 school days until I am a stay at home mom. :-) WOOHOO

Savings, anxiety and rolling over

And the award for most random title goes to... me :-)

Savings
As part of my efforts to be a stay at home mom, I have made it my mission to save on as many things as possible. Maverick needed a jumper. So we went to Kid to Kid and Once Upon a Child and I didn't like any of them that they had. I'm a teacher, I have to have things as educational as possible... So I went to Babies R Us. The one I liked was 119.99, so we didn't buy it. I never buy something that expensive without doing online research to see if I could find it cheaper. Long story short, I never did the research (more on that later) but I decided he needed it asap, so I went back to BRU to get it. They had a floor model on sale for 45.90! I was so excited!

Here he is enjoying his new bouncer (after it was *thoroughly* cleaned) And, he doesn't even care that it was the floor model. That's my boy ;-)

Anxiety. 

As you may notice, the tone of my blog has changed. It has gone from whiny, depressing, whoa-is-me, to my normal comical self. This is a result of the wonders of Paxil. For those of you who are not acquainted with my dear friend Paxil, it is an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. It really makes me feel like ME again. Maybe now we can get on with this blog with a sense of humor :-) A few posts ago, you will notice that I mentioned one of the side effects was anxiety. Well, I am happy to announce that I am not having that symptom, but I am having another- low appetite! Its a win-win! But maybe now I can get on with my life, instead of living in a cloud like I have been for the last few weeks/months. I wasn't wanting to do anything, I was crying all the time, my heart would race, and the most scary- my thoughts would be fuzzy, almost like I was disoriented. Scary stuff! But I think I'm back. Look out world :-0 

Rolling over. 

My dear, sweet, gifted Maverick rolled over today. For the last few days, he has been rolling up on his side, but he wasn't quite sure how to get his arm out of the way. So tonight when he was on his side, I was watching him (because that's what I do) and he just roooolllleeeeddd over. I say it like that because the whole thing seemed to take a lllllloooooonnnnngggg time. So I called Christopher down and he immediately noticed that Maverick was on his tummy and when he went up, he was on his back. So, Christopher put him back on his back and he did it again! And he's been doing it all evening. SO CUTE! 

So that was my day. I must go now because I hear Maverick saying AHHahhAHHahh to Christopher. Thats his new thing- yelling. Not like he's upset, just a loud voice. Its quite cute- I think even you would agree. :-)

Spoiled

People keep telling me I am spoiling Maverick... so let me get a few things off my chest.

Yes, he sleeps in the bed with us. He will continue to do so until he doesn't want to, or until he gets married, whichever comes first. I would still be sleeping in the bed with Nana and Pal if I was able. Do you know how that made me feel? Loved.

Yes, when Maverick is so sleepy his eyes are heavy and he's making his sad face, we drive him in the car. It relaxes him,  and he goes to sleep. Maverick will NEVER be allowed to "cry it out". I think that is cruel. When I tried for two years to get pregnant, I was fully aware that sleeping for me would be a luxury.

Yes, my husband and I like being with him. We do go on date nights once in a blue moon, but for the most part, I prefer to play with Maverick. Once again, when I tried to get pregnant for 2 years, I knew that time alone with Christopher would be a luxury. We like spending time as a family.

Yes, we have made the choice that I will be a stay at home mom. Yes, I do know how many sacrifices I will have to make. Yes, I'm more than ok with that. Hand to God, I will give up eating if that's what it takes. I've been building up fat for years, I will be fine :-) Let me see, is it more important that I get my nails done, or be home to see my son grow up? HMM... On that note, I will always put his needs before mine. Always.

Get used to it people. There will be many things in the coming years that people don't like that I do. I might even buy him a brand new car when he's 16! GASP!

What y'all call spoiled, I call loved. If I achieve one thing in this life, I want Maverick to know that I love him. Fully, unconditionally, without measure. I will NEVER take a single moment of his life for granted.

Anxiety

I got a prescription for anxiety\anti-depressants filled on Friday. Among the frightening list of side effects- anxiety. Umm, does anyone else see a problem with that?!

But in all seriousness- I had to do something. I can no longer spend all day Sunday with a sense of dread that I have to work or cry the whole way there every morning.

I've never really been one to take medicine. Especially one that interferes with your brain so much. But I knew I was headed down a dark road and I felt a responsibility to Maverick, Christopher and myself to get help for myself before I got too bad.

I hope they help me make it through the remainder of the year. 66 days!

Meaningless

I have been wanting to blog, but suddenly my ordinary life doesn't seem all that bloggable.

I have been obsessively reading Kellie's blog about the pain she feels after her baby Maddie passed away. She has let us in her life at the most painful time any of us can imagine. Actually, I can't imagine it. I have been trying for a week to NOT imagine my sweet Maverick being taken away.

Suddenly it doesn't matter that my assistant principal thinks in incompetent, that I'm gaining back all the weight I lost after Maverick was born, that my students made basically no progress in the 12 weeks I was on maternity leave, that my check engine light came on...

If you will notice, most of my recent blog posts have been about leaving Maverick. I leave before it is light outside and get home just in time for him to eat and go to sleep. But the truth is I am lucky. Because he is there when I get home. When I get home he looks at me and smiles it makes my heart melt.

So, I will treasure every precious moment I have with him, and just know that I only have to be gone from him for 66 more school days... until then, I will try to focus on the time I HAVE with  him, rather than the time I don't.

My dream job...

Before Maverick was born, I had no idea I would want to be at home with him so much. I thought he would be at home with Christopher or Nana, so he was taken care of, he would be fine.

After he was born, I was pretty sure I wanted to stay home with him, but didn't know how we could make it work. Families HAVE to have 2 incomes, don't they?

When I went back to work and was made to feel like the worst teacher ever, I knew I wanted to stay home. But, all teachers can talk about now is the budget cuts. I felt lucky to have a job.

But, when Maddie passed away, I KNEW I HAD to stay home. Our sweet baby Maverick is so precious. I don't want to miss anything! I sit here now, tears streaming down my face thinking about what Kellie must be going through. I just want to hold Maverick and never let him go.

Money is going to be tight. We are not going into this thinking it is going to be all sunshine and roses. But, we have made some major changes... and God was pretty helpful too. We called our landlord to see if he had any cheaper properties, and he said we could stay here and he would lower rent. I didn't even fathom that could happen. We lucked into it because there are 4 units here and 2 are empty, and I guess he didn't want another empty one. Christopher is in the process of selling his truck. He is getting a bigger, better one that he loves- and getting rid of the one that is too small that he has always hated- and its going to be paid for! We have also reduced our grocery bill significantly, cancelled HBO and showtime... small changes that have added up to a lot.

I have full, complete, unwavering faith that Christopher and God will take care of Maverick and I. What Christopher can't figure out, God will. :-)

I even found a Bible passage when I was looking at what other moms did to make it work:

Matthew 6:25For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to to his life?

Thank you God

Thank you God for 2 extra days.

I usually do not wish for snow days because what seems fun to me, causes problems for other people. Some people HAVE to go to work on the dangerous roads, and I try not to be selfish.

This  year, I wished for snow days.

We had FOUR snow days this week. The first snow day added another day to the end of the year, the second snow day took away Good Friday. The last 2- DO NOT HAVE TO BE MADE UP. So thank you God, for 2 extra days with Maverick.

I've never been a religious person. I've always believed, but had my doubts about things, had problems with organized religion, etc.

But now I believe.

Whole heartedly, 100%. I know without a doubt that God answered my prayers. I NEEDED to spend time with Maverick. And Christopher. Christopher got a little cabin fever. He doesn't do well being couped up in the house. I didn't care. I was perfectly content, being at home doing the daily routine with Maverick.

The problem is, Maverick is happiest first thing in the morning. I miss that when I'm at work. But not the last 4 days. :-)

I really have to do this?

OH MY GOD! I seriously do not want to work anymore.

The sub changed so many things in my classroom while I was out.  I guess she felt like she knew what was best for my class. She changed my behavior management plan, the line order, she made them ask permission to go to the bathroom (very annoying when you are trying to work with small groups), she let them take library books home that were checked out to me (I will never see them again, but luckily, we have an AWESOME librarian). I left ridiculously detailed instructions, there is no reason she needed to change all this. Oh, and I forgot- she just made up random word wall words and hand wrote them on my word wall! AHH! She also dug thru my stuff and hung random stuff on my calendar, made new word cards for the writing center (I guess she didn't like mine) and let the kids use my crayons and markers that were under my desk. I would have been ok if she had just let them use them, but she distributed my 50 colored pencils. Does that even make sense? Why would she do that? I haven't been able to really get any time to test or level the kids because I'm having to spend so much time reteaching routines and procedures like it is the first day of school.

I am supposed to be doing a 4 hour training online, but I stopped to blog. I've already done this exact training when I first started, but I am being asked to do it again, on my own time. I'm irritated because I only have a short time with Maverick and I'm having to use 4 hours to do this stupid training!

I think most of my blogs will be pretty cranky until summer. I went thru 13 years of public school, 6 years of college and 3 years of teaching and I have NEVER been looking so forward to summer so early in the year. Its only January!

Its gonna be a long year!

86 days

When I go back to school I will have 86 school days until summer.

86 days seems like an eternity.

Thats 86 times I will have to get up at 5:30, while Maverick is still sleeping and leave him.

Thats 86 times I will have to be at working teaching other people's kids, while someone else is with mine. Being a teacher requires a great deal of emotional investment in the students. They need me to give them 100 percent. But so does my child. Where will I find 200 percent?

Thats 86 times I will come home EXHAUSTED. Hopefully not too exhausted to play with Maverick for the few minutes he will be awake.

Thats 86 times I will only get to see my baby for a few hours before he goes to sleep.

Thats 86 times I may miss something. In the next 6 months that I will be working, he will roll over, sit up by himself and possible crawl. Someone else will get to see it.

Thats 86 times for the anger, hurt, resentment, anxiety, and depression to grow. People tell me it will get easier. I think people are full of shit.

2 month check up

Yesterday we went to Maverick's two month check up.

He weighed 16 pounds 4.5 ounces
He is 24.5 inches long (thats two feet- OMG)
His head is 17 inches around

That means from birth he has grown:
5 pounds 14 ounces and 3.5 inches- all in 2 months!

I hope he doesn't keep growing at this rate! He is going to be a big boy. I am glad that he is proportional. His weight is ok for his length... I have struggled with my weight for my whole life. I was teased, I have had high blood pressure, and fertility issues. I can never find clothes that fit and I worry about diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. I do not want that for my son. I guess chocolate cake for dinner is a thing of the past. I want him to see me eating fruits and vegetables...

He has cradle cap, which is not harmful and it doesn't even really bother him. It just isn't all that attractive (to other people, to me- he is the most adorable baby ever) His is worse near his eyebrows. His head is getting a little flat, so we are going to have to increase tummy time and maybe let him nap on his side. We do not want him to have to wear a helmet to reshape his head!

It looks worse in person, but you get the idea from this picture:

This is what he is able to do as of now:
* He is trying to have little conversations. When you talk to him he makes sounds back at you. It makes my heart melt!
* He smiles the sweetest little smile :-) We swear we have heard him laugh twice, both times in his sleep.
* He is holding his head up more and more. It is noticeably less shaky now.
* He will scoot in a circle. If you put him down facing one way, he will rotate himself around almost 360  degrees.
* A few times I have thought he may roll over, or at least be attempting. He will rock back and forth, but his arm is in the way. He doesn't do this all the time because he will just rotate himself around to see what he wants to see.
*He isn't a big fan of the pacifier. As soon as he figures out that it isn't food, he flings it out of his mouth.
* He is about to find his hands. He will grab one hand with the other, but I don't think he has connected in his mind that he is the one making that happen.

I'm sure there is much more, because clearly he is a genius. No, really. This isn't like when other moms think their baby is special... he really is ;-)

I want to be a stay at home mommy :(

I always considered myself a pretty strong independent woman. I have a college degree, I'm working on my Masters degree, I have a great job that I make ok money at. I enjoy having a job because I know that no matter what happens I can take care of myself. I don't NEED a man to take care of me. If I had lived in the 1960's I would have been burning my bra right along with all the other feminists.

Now, all I want is to be a stay at home mom. I would be perfectly happy staying home, cleaning, and having dinner on the table when Christopher gets home from work. I would even wear an apron. Or pearls like June Cleaver.

Do you SEE this cute baby? I have to leave him for 9 hours a day while Nana and Christopher get to stay home and play with him. OK, he is in GREAT hands with Nana and Christopher, but I want him in MY hands. Now, I'm going to be an outsider- listening to others tell me about MY baby!

Will he even remember me? This little smile you see on his face was for ME. He smiled right at me when I started talking to him, so I quickly snapped his picture... He is only going to be this little once, and I'm gonna miss it :(

I know the feminists just wanted equal pay for equal work, and wanted women to be able to work if they wanted- but what has happened is families HAVE to have two incomes to survive... I don't think they intended moms to have to leave their babies!

Hospital Story/first day home

I realized (when Morgan pointed it out) that I never wrote about my hospital stay after Maverick was born. This is partly because I am a bad blogger and partly because it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

After the c-section, they wheeled me up to my room... By this time, it is at lease midnight, I've just given birth, had major surgery and am on all kinds of pain medicines. My nurse was African, which is only important because I could barely understand her. Anyway, all I really want to do is nurse the baby and get a little sleep before he needs me again. But she's talking to me, explaining all this stuff and I am fighting to keep my eyes open, but she keeps yapping.

She comes back every few hours to make me feed the baby (more on that later) and take blood from Maverick's tiny, brand new foot. Apparently, because he was big, they are worried about his blood sugar- even though I was not (am still not) diabetic, there was no reason to think his blood sugar was off. But she told me it was hospital policy (which it may be) and I was so exhausted and overwhelmed I didn't fight it. Just the first in a series of things that I did wrong. Just for the record, his blood sugar was fine.

She keeps coming back to make me feed the baby. I was adamant that I wanted to breastfeed exclusively, no formula. I managed to do that for the first day, with objections from the nurse who was trying to get me to supplement the whole time. Seriously, every time she came in she would tell me he "needed" formula.

I was still completely unable to move, I was confined to the bed due to the anesthesia and drugs in my system. I'm still in the same hospital gown I wore for surgery, and hooked up to a catheter. Poor Christopher had to do everything! I love that man so much. I knew that before, but we definitely got much closer in the first few days after Maverick was born. (He saw inside my body after all, lol)

The day nurse was a little better, but not super helpful. The lactation consultant was awesome. She was so helpful and patient. During the day, there was no problem with breastfeeding at all. Maverick never really latched willingly to the right one, but he was still eating breastmilk...

The next night - guess who my nurse is again- mean African lady. She keeps harping on me that he NEEDS formula. Exhausted, overwhelmed and at the time thinking I was doing what was best for my baby, I finally agreed to supplement. The hospital used Similac formula and Maverick was not able to handle it at all. Every time he would eat formula he would projectile vomit everything he had just eaten. Mind you, at this point he is TWO DAYS OLD. The nurse wouldn't help, she wouldn't give us any other kind of formula because she said "formula doesn't hurt babies tummies"... umm yes it does. I'm a brand new mom and even I knew that. I don't know what her deal was with the effing formula! Also, to make matters worse, the building I was in was on limited power for some reason and I had NO TV ALL NIGHT! This is a problem because I have to have the TV to sleep... This was one of the worst nights of my life, seriously. I could not get anyone to listen to me or help me.

Looking back now, I should have demanded a new nurse or something. Or had a member of my family bring some other kind of formula. But hindsight is always 20/20. I hate to keep blaming everyone else, because I SHOULD have done something different, but I was barely able to move, on heavy drugs, scared, overwhelmed and stupid.

Both Christopher and I knew we would not survive another night like the last one, so when the doctor came in to check on my we asked if there was anyway I could go home a day early and he said yes! Thank God! Now we were off to our own house.

We were so not prepared to check out. We had only like 2 hours to get ready. Nothing was packed, and people kept coming in to bring us stuff. I was so happy, because I could finally eat solid food and everyone kept coming in and I didn't even get to eat all of my food...

When we got out to the car, his carseat was adjusted for a normal weight baby, not a 10 pound, 6 ounce baby, so that was interesting. We had to stop and fix it before we could put him in.

The first day you bring the baby home is scary! Maverick was still having issues with formula, still really throwing up. I don't mean spit up, like a normal baby. I mean projectile, like the exorcist. That night was a bad night too. He wasn't able to keep anything down. We tried two different kinds of formula but I think his tummy was too upset already. He was so frustrated, he wasn't able to breastfeed either... We ended up having to take him to the pediatrician first thing that morning because we thought maybe he had a milk allergy. But, at the doctor he was able to calm down and take some formula!

About breastfeeding- it is HARD! I just thought it was going to be so easy. I had no bottles, no idea about formula. I decided to try to pump the milk, but I would pump for 30 minutes and only get half an ounce... so Maverick is formula fed... I have a lot of guilt about not breastfeeding, but that's for another blog :-)

I'm a bad blogger, but a good mommy

I can't seem to tear myself away from Maverick long enough to update my blog.

How could I with this waiting for me?

I really have no updates. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life! I seriously love being a mom, even at 3am...

I will try to be better about updating my blog because one day I will love going back and reading it :-)

Happy reading friends!